What I've Learned About Marriage

             Photo: JERMIL SADLER

The other day the hubs and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. It got me thinking a lot about marriage....what mistakes I've made.....and what lessons I've learned. I thought I'd share a few lessons with you below. Feel free to chime in if you any marital wisdom of your own in the comments section.

1.) Kids make marriage sweeter. Words cannot express the satisfaction that comes from producing a baby with the person you love. To see a little person who looks just like my spouse crawling around the house, spontaneously takes my breath away. It allows me to see my husband in an entirely new vulnerable light and is a very joyous thing. I try to be present and grateful in our day-to-day life, and always remember the privilege I've been given.

2.) It's important to pay attention, and act accordingly. Though having a baby is absolutely awesome, it's also extremely exhausting.  There are moments where I feel at my wits end, and my husband swoops in like superman and offers to take the baby off my hands for a little while. That's called, paying attention. Paying attention is very valuable. It makes the other person feel seen and cared for. I try to pay attention as much as I can.

3.) It's important to fight fair. Over the course of a marriage you're bound to find yourself in the midst of an occasional heated argument. How you handle these moments can determine the difference between whether a dispute strengthens or weakens your marriage. It's easy to get upset in the moment and raise your voice or use unkind words, but such treatment can lead to resentment and exacerbation of the issue at hand. I've learned it's important to stay calm, kind, and open to a differing perspective when there is a disagreement. Since learning how to "fight fair" I've been amazed at how much more quickly our disputes are settled, and how we both seem to feel much better after an issue has been resolved.

To learn what others have learned visit CHATTING AT THE SKY.

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." ~Barbara de Angelis

Anniversary Staycation

Typically for our anniversary the hubs and I like to celebrate by staying at a bed and breakfast. This year it occurred to me, "hey, I already have a bed and I know how to make breakfast". In light of this epiphany, I decided to plan a lovely weekend staycation. The rules of the staycation were to have fun and enjoy a large dose of good old quality time. I must say all the undivided attention was heavenly.

I decided to jazz things up a bit around the house by filling it with tons of flowers and lighting my favorite candles.

(TIP: If you want to wake up to a pleasant aroma, place fragrant flowers by your bedside. I like to use garden roses.)

We finally found time to visit CLYBURN ARBORETUM, and Baltimore's much talked about WOODBURY KITCHEN. The ambiance at the restaurant was incredible, as were the deviled eggs.

At the end of our weekend I made sure to whip out some of our favorite wedding pics.

All-in-all we had a great time.  We've got to try this more often!

"Love is.......hanging out together." ~unknown

Our 3rd Anniversary

This week I am celebrating three wonderful years of marriage to the love of my life. Every minute of our marriage has not been perfect, but it's definitely been worth it. I can honestly say when it comes to husbands I found a great catch. It's around this time of year I tend to be particularly reflective about our relationship. I ponder about where we are? Where we're going? And what I've learned so far? In honor of Emily's "What I Learned this Month" SERIES  and our anniversary, I've decided to share with you a few nuggets of marital wisdom:

1) Don't sweat the small stuff. There are a million and one things my husband does that could drive me up a wall. For instance, he never puts the toilet seat down, forgets to put in a new bag when he changes the garbage, and regularly leaves his toothpaste in the sink. When it comes to these habits I can frustrate myself and have a total meltdown, or I can accept them as is and pick up the slack. I choose to do the latter and find it creates more peace for the both of us. I try to keep things in perspective by asking myself, "Will this matter in five years?" If the answer is no, I move on.

2) Be grateful for what you have. It is inevitable that there will be times when my spouse successfully ticks me off.  Whenever I feel particularly upset with my husband, I do an appreciation exercise. After heading to bed when the hubs is asleep, I lay awake for a few minutes next to him and observe him breathing. I remind myself that one day he will not be breathing, and how if I'm alive when that time comes how sad I will be. I then pause and feel thankful for the ability to appreciate my husbands breath, and work on moving on from whatever annoyances occurred that day.

3) Treat your marriage like a job. There was a time when I was newly married that I thought marriage was not work. I believed I had found the perfect person, and somehow our relationship would magically strengthen and maintain itself. Boy was I wrong! It wasn't until I started to see marriage as a job, that I began to work at it successfully. Like any job I had a job description: bring happiness to my partner. I also had performance reviews, which entailed checking in to see how I was doing at my "job". This change in perspective worked wonders for the both of us, and I am happy to report we are both now top performers at work :-)

What about you? What marital wisdom can you share?

"I pray everyday more than anything, friends we'll stay as we begin to lay this foundation for a family. Love ain't simple, how can it be? Anything worth having you work at annually." ~Common